Posts Tagged With: Sacrifices

Getting personal and why I do what I do….

Anyone that really knows me also knows that I am not quick with talk about my personal inner workings. I have a tendency to keep it close and work things out by myself. Great, happy things that are going on, I feel free to talk about, but let it be something hard, a struggle I am facing and I am locked up tighter than Fort Knox. I am never surprised at the shocked faces when friends slowly find out things that have happened months prior. And it usually happens with a “oh and this thing happened. Blah. Blah. Blah” followed by a quick “hold the heck on” from my friends. I am currently working to change that.

Last night, in the course of a conversation, I did the same thing to yet another person. As we were talking, I said something about being a cancer survivor. Shock crossed his face. “What?!?” My response? “I thought I told you.” And then I went on to tell him my story, answering any questions he had along the way.

I also told him that I had a cancer scare last year. During that scare, on the outside, I was very much “it’s nothing”. On the inside, I was scared as hell. My cousin died of breast cancer at a very young age. Every scare I have had along my journey was magnified when my doctors were told about this fact. The most common response was “that is way too young”. The way they treated me and my illness was always with that in mind and I am grateful. Any occurrence was usually found early and dealt with little invasion to my body or my life. While I was irritated about having to possess specialists and see them far more frequently than I cared (and I’m sure far more frequently than my insurance company cared for), it was always the reason things were discovered and dealt with so early.

Now of course I had some meltdowns along the way last year, but for the most part I kept a positive or at least a “positive” attitude. In October, one week after my 33rd birthday, I had surgery to take out the mass that was in question. The surgery was walk-in (love the advances of medicine!) and when the tests were completed, the results came back benign. After 7 months, I could finally breathe easy again.

5 months later, all I have left from that is a little scar that will fade over time but is a constant reminder of just how fragile life really is. I see the scar everyday and it has really affected my way of thinking. In January, I decided that I was going to join Team Rio and finally run the half marathon that I have been dying to run for almost 8 years now. In February, in an effort to aid my marathon training and my well-being all together, I joined D1 for a year to do boot camp 5 days a week. I’ve committed to a golf scramble in March. I am going to go skydiving this summer with a friend of mine (yes, I am jumping out of a perfectly functioning plane). I am doing the Warrior Dash with her in September, as well. I tell my friends that I love them when I get off the phone with them or when we part ways because I don’t want them to wonder how I feel about them for a second. I am meeting new people and forming new relationship because I refuse to let fear get in my way anymore. Wow! I am starting to feel like a Tim McGraw song!! 🙂

Ultimately, I’ve decided that I am going to try to live like I have a million tomorrows and at the same time, live like today is my last. I want to make every second count because really I’m not guaranteed my next. And if I live to be 100, I don’t want to look back wishing I had done something that I let slip by, regretting time not spent with people I enjoyed, not loving people fully because fear and pride got in the way. I want to look back and know I lived to the fullest of my ability.

So call me crazy because of the things I’ve gotten myself involved with. Look at my schedule and wonder what the heck I am thinking. But I will tell you one thing, I am loving my life right now. I can’t tell you the last time I have felt this content and at peace. I may be busy and on the go, but I am not living in “oh, I wish I had” moments anymore. I am working on opening myself up to whatever the world is going to bring me and taking on life’s lessons along the way. This is really why I do what I do.

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I’ve said before that my running group is the postal service of running teams. “Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these runners from the swift completion of their long run miles.” Okay, so maybe it is not that extreme but we’ve already run in the snow and very, very cold. That was already bad enough.

Well this morning, I get on Facebook and see that my friends in Dallas are getting snow….again! With all the days of snow that we have already received, I panicked and brought up the weather for the next week. Phew!  No major snowfall for the Nashville area! Happy!!! And then I see this….





ACK! REEEEEALLY?!?!?! Cough. Cough. I think I am starting to feel ill. How in the world can I run 5 miles in Rain/Snow Showers? That just sounds miserable to me. And how do you stay warm in that?

As miserable as that sounds, I am going to go to the group run, I will finish what I start, but I have to say that I just don’t think I will be too happy about it. Gah!

3 miles tonight!! Inside. 🙂

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Day 21

I do not like hills! There I said it. I realize I live in Tennessee, which is a very hilly state, and I love it. The photography opportunities are incredible. But I am training for a 1/2 marathon, not going on a photo shoot, so today I’ve decided that at least temporarily, hills and I are not friends. This morning we had another long run, 4 miles for beginners like me. 🙂 I was at least mentally ready to take it on. I am still not feeling completely like myself but decided to take it easy and run what I could and not beat myself up for what I walked. I didn’t even turn on my running program because I knew that I would push myself a lot harder than I needed to if I could see my stats.

So we are all standing outside Martin’s BBQ in Nolensville (which by the way is not nice to make us smell that yummy bbq and have us run away from it) getting our route information when one of the running coaches mentioned that this route would be a little hilly but at least on the way back it would be downhill. I can do a little hilly, I thought. We started off and then we made our first turn and saw what a little hilly was. It was a pretty good incline. To the point that I couldn’t see what was over the rise. Alrighty then. Jogged my way up that hill, calves screaming the whole way. Yay! I made it over the hill! Next turn, another hill, steeper than the one that I just barely made it up. I began to think that maybe, just maybe, my coach might have told us a little fib. With every turn there was another incline and descent. Oh, yes. I would be running up hills to get back to where I started. Oh, Lordy! I made it the first mile and had to walk/run the rest of the three. Happily, I only walked the hills and even then I ran half the hill and huffed the rest of the way up and started running again. When I got to the back to our starting point, I looked at my phone and saw that I ran the four miles in about 45 minutes so that wasn’t so bad. For feeling bad, I figure averaging under 15 minutes per mile is good. I’ll take it!! 🙂 I’m hoping that I am feeling normal by our next run and it won’t be so hard. I do know that I am going to research a runner’s diet. Mine is terrible and I’m sure is not helping me in the least. 🙂 Changes….love them.

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Day 15=Ugh!

So, I learned a very important lesson yesterday morning. A person can not hang out with their friends late into the night the night before a long run. Whoa!

Friday night, I got together with several of my friends, some of which I hadn’t seen in a while, and met some new ones. We had a GREAT time! 9 of us at the restaurant and we were LOUD, but spent almost three hours talking and laughing. I was so glad that I went as I needed it. What I hadn’t anticipated was the aftermath on Saturday morning. So far, I have been getting to bed earlier than normal on Friday nights so that I had plenty of rest and energy for my runs on Saturday. Not this Saturday.

When my alarm rang in the morning, I felt like I wanted to die. I could’ve used 2 or 3 more hours of sleep, but I got up anyways. Law of Natural Consequences. I was going to go take whatever was coming my way because I knew I deserved it. I got to Brentwood and met up with my running group. I was feeling a little better so I thought maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. I was wrong.

The first mile was okay but really hard. The next mile was a combination of running and walking and prayers for a quick death. The final two miles were more like a stroll through the park except it was Franklin Road and 19 degrees out.

I saw my running coach at about 2 miles and she asked me if I was okay. Obviously I looked as miserable as I felt. I told her that I wasn’t feeling quite like myself. She said to take it easy and not hurt myself and sent me on my way. As I was walking those last two miles, I decided that I was going to spend the next 14 Fridays being good and taking it easy. Early nights. And if I wanted to hang out with my friends, I could do it any of the other 6 nights without the fallout. Training for the half marathon certainly has its sacrifices. Ones I am glad to make. I have an end goal. That finish line at Titan’s Stadium and I AM GOING TO MAKE IT!

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