Posts Tagged With: Jiu Jitsu

I suck at this blogging thing…

A-true-relationship-is-having-someone-who-accepts-your-past-supports-your-present-loves-you-and-encourages-your-futureNot that this statement is shocking to anyone that has read this blog with any frequency. πŸ™‚ But I think I finally know why. I started this blog to kinda get outside of myself. I have struggled a long time with allowing people close enough to hurt me. Now, I realize that one’s instinct is to keep themselves safe, but I kept EVERYONE at least arm’s length. But at the same time, I would help anyone that I could, as often as I could. I thought this was being a good friend. Helping them carry their burdens while not burdening them with my own. But that is not true relationship. It’s a give and take. And I found as I began to let people in, that it was frustrating for them to be in relationship with me while I purposely held parts of myself to myself.

And it was a lonely place to be. While I was safe from any emotional harm, I also was no longer living life. I actually don’t know if I had ever lived life. And then I let go this perception of self preservation and began to open up. I started with those that were already my friends. I let them get closer. I shared struggles with them and let them help me, even if the help was nothing more than to listen. And it was difficult! So freaking difficult to do. As I spoke about whatever I was struggling about, I was also worrying on the inside of how they were perceiving me. I mean was I being petty? Did I blow things out of proportion? Was my friend sitting there thinking that I was just a huge loser? Turns out no. Well, most of the time. I am human. And I have honest friends πŸ˜‰

So I started this blog as an exercise to get out of my comfort zone. It started with the mundane (and often hysterical) training stories of my marathon training and then circuit training. And every once in a while, I put a little something personal on there, and I would just see the numbers skyrocket on views. (Oh, and one secret I’ve kept is that I could see the view count and search terms. Someone out there has been regularly searching out my blog but would never subscribe. I see you! πŸ˜‰ Ha!!)

And then those posts became more regular. And the more honest I became, the more it seemed to attract people’s attention. And never once did I receive anything negative. And this is the forum to do it. Complete anonymity!! But a fantastic thing seemed to happen in the process. The more I got used to opening up, the more I was not met with judgmental attitudes, the more I opened up. Β In real life. I worried less about the opinions of those that didn’t matter. I became transparent to those that I love and love me. I began to live a life with arms wide open. I began to simply live life.

Now I’m not saying that I have not been hurt in the process because I have. Deeply. There have been moments where I was convinced that I would be unable to claw my way back to the surface. But then I remembered that I didn’t have to do it alone. That I had people that were there to help me. That wantedΒ to help me. And then there were moments that I trusted people that weren’t who they presented themselves to be and I just had to let go of those relationships instead of trying to figure out the why of the situation.Β And as broken as my heart was, I bounced back. Some situations took longer than others, but I bounced back with the help of my friends.

And as I lived more transparently in my real life, I spent less time chronicling my shenanigans on here. Β Because I became busy. Busy living the life I was always meant to live. Enjoying the wonderfully genuine people that were placed in my path. Busy living the life I used to write about in this blog.

And in my times of need, I reached out for help. I began to shed this huge ego problem that I held so tightly to before ( <- I attribute this to Jiu Jitsu, btw). And man I’m a lucky girl! Because no matter the situation, the help was abundant. Whether it was deep, big problems or a mini sobfest in the middle of my bed, someone was there to care for me. With absolutely no judgement. Now I’m not perfect. I still struggle with opening up. But those same people that are there to support me also support me by gently reminding me that I am being a stubborn ass. πŸ˜‰ I’m a work in progress. πŸ™‚

So I think I know why I now suck at this blog thing. It’s because I no longer suck at this thing called life. So like other things in my life that were only meant to be in my life for a season, I am saying goodbye to this blog.

~~Til we meet again (in real life)

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More like a family…

photo8 months. That’s how long I’ve been doing Jiu Jitsu. Still loving the hell out of it. Best form of exercise I have found for my body and personality. I’m learning every single day. My mind stays engaged. And I love that aspect. But even more, I find that the longer I go, the more I appreciate the relationships I have formed.

I genuinely adore the people I train with. They have got to be the most down to earth people I have ever met. Actually, most that I have met in the Jiu Jitsu community are pretty awesome people. I learn something new just about every time I roll with any of my teammates. I love that even if I get my ass handed to me or vice versa, we can stand up and finish with a hug and a “Hey! Good roll.” because it is not about beating the other person in the end. Or to prove a point. We save that for the tournaments. It’s about learning from one another and having fun.

I also love that I can talk to just about anyone with an issue I am having and they are ready to help. There is no sense of “me” in the jiu jitsu world. Everyone seems to want to share knowledge. Not finishing that choke? “Move this way. Change this. Yep. Like that.” *Gag* Tap! Tap! It’s the jiu jitsu way.

And I can’t tell you how awesome it is to have this as a part of my life. I’m a girl living far from home. I love knowing that at the end of the day, I’m walking into not just my jiu jitsu gym, but into what feels like home with family. The only difference is the hugs we give one another look awfully similar to chokes. πŸ˜‰

So to my jiu jitsu family, thanks! You all are awesome and I so appreciate who you are and how you represent jiu jitsu to the world.

~~Til the next time

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I fight like a girl


We interrupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you this important message… Yeah, whatever. First, I have something else to write about. And second, just not ready to write the next day postingΒ topic πŸ˜‰ And this is my blog, soooooooo I’ll do what I feel πŸ™‚

So about this time last month, with the encouragement of a friend, I decided to try out a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu class located down the road from where I work. I drug my darling friend, Ali, and we got set up and learned a couple techniques and really liked it. Well, I did. She…not so much. πŸ™‚ We sat out when everyone started to roll (spar) and as I watched the class pair off and begin, the excitement grew. I think a more normal reaction would have been fear, trepidation, anxiety. Nope, not for me. I couldn’t wait. The following Monday, I was part of the class. I went 5 out of the 6 days that first week. I think the following week was the same. Actually, every week looks about that way. I’m hooked. That first week, I was calling my brother-in-law every night after class to tell him what happened and get advice. He used to fight so is a great resource for me.

But I gotta say, I kinda felt like I was drowning. Closed guard. Half guard. Mount. High mount. Side mount. Grips. Arm bar. Shrimping. What?!?!?! What in the hell are they talking about?? So I watched. And asked questions. And googled. And YouTubed. Anything I could to even begin to figure out what they were talking about. As quickly as I learned something, it seemed to fall right out of my ear. The one thing that I learned pretty early on was that my brain does not automatically operate in BJJ. Just about anything I learned seemed counterintuitive.

Oh, so you did this?? My reaction: move away. BJJ method: get closer. But that is one of the greatest lures to the sport for me. It is a thinking game. Human chess. Your opponent makes a move. What are your options? Read the situation. Assess. Move. When I leave class in the evenings, I am worn out. WORN THE FUCK OUT! But my mind is in hyperdrive. Replaying what we learned. What we practiced. What happened when I rolled. I’m already planning on what to research. What to read up on. What videos to seek out on YouTube. The bruises, the many, many bruises, I wear with pride. I earned those. And I’m learning. Oh man, am I learning.

And I’m glad I picked the school I did. I have the best classmates in the world. They are all ready to help me. Give me advice. Show me where I went wrong. The other night I got caught in a position so after class, I was shown how to get out of it the next time it happened. Little did I know the next time was going to be the next night. And I didn’t get caught again. And it was all because of great and very helpful advice. I love being a part of the Gracie family of fighters. πŸ™‚

65598_10200656827375737_1381282187_nThe best part???? I got my first stripe the other night. YaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaY! Very excited and was completely caught off guard when the professor called my name. I’m pretty sure I skipped over to him. No, I’m sure I did. But I couldn’t help it. I’m a girl. That fights. πŸ™‚ It felt great to move a step ahead.

But even better? The feeling like I am beginning to tread water. I’m no longer as confused by the terms used in class. I’ve done and am continuing to do my research. Again, I’m obssessed. πŸ™‚ My body has begun to figure out how to move. Well, a little. I’m still getting smashed, but it is now taking a little bit longer.

So now this is what I do for fun and how I spend my evenings:

~~Til the next time… (maybe on the mat πŸ˜‰ )

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