Posts Tagged With: Hanging Out

I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours ;)

5-love-languagesOh, yes. I do realize that I’ve skipped waaaaaay ahead. I’ve decided that the world’s longest 30 day challenge no longer followed the rules anyways, so I’m picking what I want to write ๐Ÿ™‚ So, day 20: What is your love language?? If you don’t know what this is, or even better, what yours is, click on the pic and it will take you to a short quiz. Trust me, totally worth the time.

I’ve mentioned this in another postย sort of, but my biggest love language is physical touch.

Physical Touch

This language isnโ€™t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or faceโ€“they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.

I’m a toucher. I just am. More so with the people in my life but I’ve been known to disregard a stranger’s personal space a time or two. Mostly with a touch while in conversation. I’ve been accused of being flirty because of this, but I promise you, it is not. AT ALL. That is just another way I communicate.

Another that ranks up there is Quality Time. Time spent together. I love it. So the guy I’m seeing doesn’t own a television and I have to say that it is quite nice. He has Netflix so if we wanted to watch something we could, but so far we haven’t. It’s been nice just laying on the couch talking. Getting to know each other. Talk about one another’s days. Hang out with the kiddos ๐Ÿ™‚ Enjoy the silence. I highly recommend it. You don’t have to sell your TVs but maybe turn it off for a bit. ๐Ÿ™‚

So there you go ๐Ÿ™‚ Just curious, what is yours?

~~Til the next time…

Day 20

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Day 6: What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced

Day 6

Note to self: Next time I create one of these, pick light-hearted material.ย I guess the goal was to not only write but to also stretch myself but stiiiiiiiiill… Alright enough of the whining. ๐Ÿ™‚

Day 6: What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced

Honestly, I could pick a number of things to write about, but if I am being completely honest, I know which one it is.

Love is a funny thing sometimes. It is something that can lift you up, carry you through the most difficult of days. It can also rip you to your core. And the worst you will feel will sometimes come from those that you love the most. I guess it is because those are the ones that you open up to the most. You are your most vulnerable and therefore the heartache comes easier.

urlOkay, I’m stalling ๐Ÿ™‚ but I guess the hardest thing I’ve experienced is also one of the hardest to write about. So not too long ago, yesterday really in my mind, I walked away from love. It was both the most logical and illogical decision I made. We both loved each otherย immensely. I had no doubt about that. Not for a second. But lordie were we just poison for one another.

We played this game of back and forth for many years. We lived a life of extremes. I love you. I hate you. You are my everything. You mean nothing to me. Don’t ever leave. Don’t ever come back. It was honestly very exhausting. But love will make you do stupid things. The last time was our longest consecutive time together and was probably the most painful.ย That time, we finally admitted that we loved each other.

When we met, we were so over relationships. We’d both been burned one too many times. At 32, I’d decided that I didn’t want to deal with relationships anymore. Thoughts of someday marrying someone??? Oh, hell no. I was done! Sad when I think about it, that at 32, I’d already given up. But I was so tired of hurting. My thought was if I just kept my distance, from men, from people in general, then I wouldn’t have to feel the pain of loss ever again.

And then I meet him.

We were like magnets. In every sense. There were times that we were just drawn together. I can’t put my finger on precisely why but if we were anywhere near each other, we would run into each other. Now, I live in a big city. It’s easy to get lost here if you want to. Didn’t seem to work with him. Then there were other times that, just like magnets, being anywhere near each other repelled us, shooting us in opposite directions.

Like I said, we did this for many years. Some of the pain I have chronicled here deal with him. We were together so long that there isn’t much in my life that doesn’t reminds me of him. Movies. Songs. My favorite artist we discovered together at another artist’s concert. I have a lot of good memories from our time together.

I also have a lot of gut-wrenching, pain-filled memories as well. The worst come from our last month together. It finally became too much. I made the decision to leave. It took a couple of tries but in the end, I did. And it honestly was the best decision I made when it came to our relationship. I had become an enablerย (<– perfect example at this post) to his bad behavior and bad decisions. I lost all my glitter and sparkle to try to make something work that was never meant to.

So I made one of the hardest decisions in my life. I walked away from the one person outside of my family that I loved the most.

I will say that thanks to that relationship, I am no longer cynical and closed off. I have plenty of reason to but today, I choose walk another path. I’m young. Too young to give up on life and love. I’m not actively seeking it out, but I am no longer sitting in my house, closed off to the world in an attempt to stay safe. I take any opportunity to live and make memories. Right now, they are with the best friends a person can have and with my precious children. And when it happens, I hope I am open enough to recognize it and embrace it. I just have to keep remembering that beautiful flowers do not grow in the absence of rain.

~~Til the next time…

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Just trust me…

Trust. It’s such a precarious thing. I enjoy people who say to me “just trust me” followed by a casual wave of the hand. I especially like it coming from the ones that I’ve just met. It’s often followed with “have I ever let you down?”. Ummm, why no. No, you haven’t. But then again, I met you 5 minutes ago. ๐Ÿ™‚

I think that if you asked most of my friends, they would say that I’m a pretty trusting person. And then they would all be wrong. ๐Ÿ™‚ I am the type of person that will give people a chance, some more than others, but I’m far from the trusting type. Actually, what I am thinking on the inside is “you’re going to let me down”. With most relationships, it’s a constant battle for me to stay engaged because I have a cute little devil in disguise, dancing around my head, singing “this will never work. this will never work.” Insert sh*t kickers and a mandolin and I’m all but sold.

But I choose to fight to stay engaged and here’s why.

Some relationships have faded away as our time together just came to a natural end. Some ended in explosive, hurt filled rants that can only be healed with space and the passing of time. Others were an agreement that we just didn’t get along and it was time to move on. While others were a one sided ending of the relationship for whatever reason, but still peaceful. With all these relationships I learned something valuable and I don’t regret any of them.

But the reason I choose to fight the devil inside is because of the relationships I still do have. I consider myself a very lucky person because I have a lot of great friends, some of those I count as best friends. They are not only my best friends, but I think of them as family. I have a couple extra sisters and brothers. How many people can honestly say that? I talk to two of my friends every day. We aren’t just friends, we live life together. And I am grateful for them.

And I trust them wholeheartedly. I TRUST them as defined above. When I am with these friends, I feel like I am at home with family. There are no pretenses. I don’t have to act, look or speak a certain way for them to like me. They like every part of my silly, outspoken, imperfect, broken little self. I don’t feel like I have to be strong and perfect to be with them ‘cuz God knows I am far from either.

I think I mostly knew that but last weekend cemented it for me. I was having a rough couple days. One night I was sitting on the back porch with one of these friends, quietly crying. We would exchange sentences, little thoughts back and forth and we would just sit, me with my wine and her with her tea. I could see the concern on my friend’s face. I know most of it was her wish to make it all better for me. To find the magical combination of actions to make the pain go away. Little did she know that she was doing just that.

I don’t like to cry. Most people that know me have probably never seen me cry. I fight the urge so badly that when I do, it is often followed by a horrible headache from the effort to keep the tears at bay. And it’s all because I don’t trust people. I don’t trust that they will not judge me. I don’t trust that they will not blame me. I don’t trust them to care for me. Honestly, I don’t trust that they care.

But that night, as the tears flowed freely, I trusted. I believed. I had confidence. I knew, in the presence of sweet family, I was safe. Safe to cry. Safe to talk. Safe to be.

So, sweet friend, you know who you are, you did find the magical combination, which turned out not to be so magical after all. What little trust I had for people in general grew that night because of the great trust I have in you. Not because you knew the right things to say or because you figured out just what to do. It was all because you provided the safety and the care that was your back porch to a hurting, needy friend. I left that night knowing, regardless of the outcome of my situation, I was going to be alright because I had people I could trust with my heart. You are a light that shines in the darkest of my thoughts. Thanks for being there to chase away the devil with me.

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Who are you when I’m not looking?

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve had some very curious incidents that have sprouted up that reminded me about a blog posting that I had read a couple of months ago. I’ve actually gone back and forth on writing this posting because I wondered about how people would perceive thisย  but then I remembered that I really am not one that is too worried about perception and ironically, the incidents all have to do with perception so here goes. ๐Ÿ™‚

Single is just where I find myself these days. And by single, I mean I am not married, nor am I living with anyone. I am dating someone, though.

That has seemed to cause a stir within some people. And not how I would have thought. Here is a little excerpt of the blog that I reread this morning which you can find in its entirety here. I think it explains the phenomenon I’m facing right now the best. The title of the post is Domestic Enemies of the Single Mom. Enjoy! ๐Ÿ™‚

Next on deck, the evil Married who is threatened by our very presence and is a judgment filled B from the time you first meet her. Sheโ€™s usually found at school functions and neighborhood block parties. She may smile and say hello but she secretly believes that the big S you wear on your chest is not for Super Woman, which it is, but instead for her much more sinister twin sister, Super Slut. The Scarlet Letter Marrieds will go out of their way to avoid you for fear that your singlemomness is contagious or that you may eat men, or more specifically, their men. I believe in making nice though so to win these particular Marrieds over just smile and sweetly mention how handsome their husband is. Just kidding. No Iโ€™m not. OK so itโ€™s not nice but you totally catch more stuck up self righteous flies with honey. I was raised in the south so of this I am certain, we have manners.

The rest of the blog is filled with stuff written much in the same manner as the above, all of which I agree with it. As off kilter as my filter is, it still catches some of the things I probably should keep to myself. This girl lets it all hang out and for that, I am grateful. ๐Ÿ™‚

So now my perspective. First and foremost, I do not now, nor will I in the future, want your man. I can find my own, thank you very much. And I also live by “I do not date my friend’s ex’s or my ex’s friends”, which also includes the man you are currently dating. And second, singleness is not contagious. If I sneeze, the worst you may get is the flu, which sucks, but will not end in the destruction of your marriage. But I am finding out that there are some women who believe that one of these two scenarios could happen if they spent too much time with me.

I will not go into the specifics of the situations, but I can tell you I was shocked every time. The funny thing is that the person they see is not the person I actually am. For the most part, I am pretty put together with the crazy red hair and the makeup, clothes and heels. But the reality of who I am is that I would wear jeans and a t-shirt and my favorite pair of flip flops all day, everyday if I could. And as much as I can, I do. On Saturday mornings, I run errands with no makeup on and my hair in a ponytail or pulled through a ball cap and feel exactly as I would if I was fully done up. I am not here to impress anyone and honestly, I have neither the time nor energy to worry about it. If you like me, good. If you don’t, good. We weren’t all made to like one another and I’m okay with that.

And this self confidence that I walk around with came with years upon years of therapy and hard work. I got tired of being either Eeyore or a crazed lunatic so I made changes. And by no means am I anywhere near to being perfect. That day will never come. I could spend hours picking apart the tiny little things I don’t like about myself. Things most people are not aware of or could care less about, but that would mean regressing into a person I no longer want to be so I choose not to. But I will tell you, on my bad days, and yes I do have them, when I look in the mirror, I do not see the person anyone else sees. Hell, on my good days, I don’t either! And ask anyone that has had a real relationship with me, friends or lovers, I have flaws…in spades. Wanna know some? Google the song “Who are you when I’m not looking?” by Joe Nichols. About sums me up. ๐Ÿ™‚

So, no, I will not eat your man if he comes near me and no, your wedding ring will not instantly vanish if you brush up against me. But if you take the time to know me, really know me, we may end up great friends with a lot in common or at least somewhat friends that are excited to see each other once in a while. I guess the old adage is true…Never judge a book by its cover. To which I’d like to add…the pages are probably just as busted and torn as all the others. ๐Ÿ™‚

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I’m not playing with you anymore. :p

I’m not playing with Greg anymore! I think he is trying to kill me. Unless he’s reading this and then Greg you are AWESOME! My favorite person! Loves ya for real! Now stop reading…

Boot camp today was rough. When I first started, we had a schedule. Monday-arms, Tuesday-cardio, Wednesday-legs, Thursday-cardio, Friday-total body. If I missed a class during the week, I went Saturday, which seemed to be a free for all, depending on who led the class. At this point, I’ve taken at least one class from each coach so I kinda know what to expect when I walk in and see which coach is leading on a Saturday. Most are doable. Greg and Chris, the other extreme coach, even dialed back, hurt, though. The two of them together is about a mile away from hell.This past Saturday was the second time that I did boot camp with the both of them leading and I hurt that night…bad. My legs were shaking most of the night. Chris is Sam’s 11am coach. The class that I am going to take next Thursday. Eep! I asked the both of them about their method after class on Saturday when we were just hanging out and talking. I was trying to find out how bad it was going to be for me. Greg is less reps but a lot of weights. Chris is heavy on the reps and little weights.

Well, in the midst of the conversation, Greg didn’t like something I said and decided to turn the dial way up for the Monday workout. Too bad I slept in that day. ๐Ÿ™‚ My classmates, though, took the brunt of my punishment. I went to the 6pm class that day and did just fine other than my knee and hamstring hurting me. Tuesday’s cardio class was brutal. We did 100 yards of plate pushes with a total of 515 yards of sprints. Don’t know what plate pushes are? Google it. It’s not fun. Push 5 yards then run down the field and back, push 5 more yards and run, push 5 more yards and run, and so on. When I got back to the start, I pushed the plate over the line and immediately went down to the ground and just laid there. That was our first set of exercises and we weren’t even to the halfway point of the class.

Then came this morning. Greg has decided to do away with leg and arm days and make those total body as well. Which means total body pain. When I got there this morning, he told me that it was going to be bad. Greeeeeat! I kinda already knew though. I saw him last night when I went to go get my runner’s stick that Sam had left for me earlier that day and while we were talking I mentioned that I had blogged about him. I also told him everything was nice. Well, I should have reread my blogs before saying that because as he was reading it on his little Ipad, I hear him say “Justin Beiber, huh?” Uuuuuum, whoops. I quickly picked up my phone and start looking for posts where I said nice things about him and started reading off titles. It was too late. Dang it!! ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

As of right now, I have my runner’s stick and I am massaging my legs because they hurt. Really, really bad. Even gently rolling the stick on my leg kills. Tomorrow is cardio which means even more pain. I hope the hours of using the stick will get me back to a somewhat decent level so that I don’t have to skip. Chris is leading the class on Saturday which means it will be far from easy and I will probably be unable to breathe afterwards. Not exactly how I want to spend my Saturday morning. From now on, I’m only saying nice things about Greg and I will cuss him in my head. What am I saying…I’m incapable of that. Oh, well. Bring on the pain, I guess. Maybe he won’t read this anymore. ๐Ÿ™‚ Here’s hoping…..

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Boot Camp vs. Boot Camp Extreme

D1 has two different types of boot camp classes, regular boot camp and boot camp extreme. My fellow boot camper, Sam, does and has gone to the boot camp extreme class for quite some time, excluding a little break. When he started going back to D1, he was very sore. I remember one night receiving a text that said that he had to bend over to pick something up and almost didn’t make it back up. What I said to him was “poor thing”, but what I was actually doing was laughing hysterically. The next couple of weeks involved more texts of even greater pain, centralized in different parts of his body depending on what exercise sets he did that day. Some texts just said that he wanted to die. With every text, the response was the same, some version of “I feel bad for you”, all the while laughing to myself.

Then it was my turn. One of the running coaches on my team runs a boot camp style class and had been talking about it. I didn’t think anything of it until I started having difficulty increasing my mileage. In a conversation I had with Sam, I mentioned that I was thinking about checking out my coach’s boot camp, hoping that would push me beyond the wall that I was facing in my running. It was then that he suggested that I try out D1, where he goes to boot camp. In all honesty, I was talking more abstractly. It was more like, “I was thinking, I may, or may not, possibly, maybe check out my coach’s boot camp…someday.” So I told him that I would look D1 up and check it out.ย  The planets must have been perfectly aligned. Or maybe my first inclination was correct and he’s an undercover D1 recruiter. ๐Ÿ™‚ Either way, when I looked up boot camp information at D1, there were free Saturdays going on as part of their New Year’s Resolution initiative. I filled out the registration information, still thinking that I may not go. I mean I was already training for a marathon. Well, when Saturday came, I got up and did my long run and then decided to drive out to D1 and give this boot camp a try. It didn’t help that right before our long run that morning, one of the coaches made mention of the other boot camp. I took that as a sign to go and at least try it out. What’s the worst that could happen, right??

Oh so wrong!!! I told Sam that I was a little freaked out to go a couple days before. He told me that I would be fine. He said that I had been training for the marathon so I had a leg up. Well, alrighty then!!

I should have known that there was a possibility that he was stretching the truth. He had done that to me before. ๐Ÿ™‚ The boot camp about killed me. I could barely stand up after. While talking to the recruiter after the class, I found out that Sam not only did boot camp, he did the boot camp extreme class. I couldn’t even imagine as I was already praying for death.

Well I tried it out a couple more times and what Sam already knew was going to happen, happened. I was hooked. Despite the pain, I was loving every second of it. I joined right before Valentine’s Day and chose the only class that I could make in my current schedule, the 5am class.

I guess I wasn’t paying attention or just thought that all the normal classes were as hard as mine. I mean, I had just started. It was brutal! And then I overheard a conversation that my coach was having with a prospective member.

Greg: So, why did you choose this class to try out?

Member: What do you mean?

Greg: You do know that this is the extreme class and not the regular boot camp class.

Member: Oh! No I didn’t.

Uumm, yeah.ย  Greg??? I DIDN’T KNOW EITHER!!! So for a month, my very first month, I have been going to boot camp extreme. I now know why I’ve had such difficulty moving. Not only did I jump in with both feet, I landed in water that was neck deep. Now by no means does that mean I am going to step down and do the regular boot camp class. I’ve worked really hard and have gotten to the point where it isn’t nearly as painful. There is no way that I am going to take a step backwards. Not only am I staying in my current class, I am also going to take Sam on in his boot camp class. We’ve been talking about me going to one of his classes since I started and now I feel like I could actually do it. We are a tad bit competitive so this has less to do with doing the class together and more to do with doing it better than the other. They keep telling us that it is not a competition and to go at our own pace, but for that one day it is on! Sam, you are going down!!!!

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I’m a pain junkie???

Last week was a such a crazy week! I’m convinced that there was a week long full moon. Monday morning I went to boot camp like normal, but unfortunately I had only gotten about 4 hours of sleep that night. When my alarm rang at 4:15a, I seriously considered changing it for 2 hours later and skipping boot camp, but I always feel guilty when I do and I actually don’t feel well, so I dragged myself out of bed and went to boot camp. Instead of sitting on the floor and stretching like I normally do, I just sat on the floor, waiting for the class to start. I struggled through the class but as it progressed I started to wake up. Thank God for endorphins!! The day was a just a blur of crazy. At about 6p, I had had enough. I called my friend, Kris, and blah, blah, blah’d at supersonic speed to which she replied, “Come have a drink”. Umm, OKAY! I drove out to her house and we gathered up her husband and went to my favorite bar and talked and laughed the stress of the day away.

Tuesday morning came bright and early and when my alarm rang at 4:15a, I reset it for 6a and went back to sleep. I didn’t feel guilty that day since I already knew that I would be hitting the Saturday boot camp class with my friend, Lauren, and was going to skip a weekday class anyways. The rest of the week progressed at breakneck speed and before I knew it, Friday had come. Lauren came by my desk during the day and we made plans about the next morning’s class and grabbing lunch afterward. She then asked me if a friend of ours, Kris, would be joining us. I told her no. A slow, devious smile crossed her face and she walked around the corner to Kris’ desk. When she came back to my desk to gather her stuff, she told me that she had asked Kris to join us. Now, I have teased Kris here and there about joining me for a boot camp class, if for nothing else, to understand why there are days that I come in limping and cringing. She had, up to that point, very gracefully told me “Uh, no!” What started out as a serious request, had slowly turned into jokes just to see her reaction as time had passed. Insert Lauren. She was one of my friends that had joined me at boot camp the week before. She was also one of the friends that told me that it hurt to breathe when I saw her on the Tuesday after.That night, I posted on Facebook that a couple of my friends were joining me at boot camp the next morning and linked them all. The comments that followed were priceless! Finally, Lauren broke Kris down with the best guilt trip I had read in ages and Kris relented. It probably didn’t help that her husband joined in egging her on. ๐Ÿ™‚

Saturday morning, I woke up and did my long run (6 miles!!) and started texting Kris to talk about where we were going to meet and I also sent her one text that included an out. I told her that if she really didn’t want to go to boot camp, she didn’t have to and I wouldn’t give her any grief for skipping. She replied back that she would be there and would meet me at D1. Alrighty. Game on!!!

I met Lauren and Kris at D1 and we gathered on the field, waiting for class to start. Kris said something about possibly looking foolish to which one of my weekday classmates replied that we were all about to be in so much pain that the only thing anyone would be focused on would be themselves as they either “prayed or cursed”. I couldn’t have said it any better. Class started and the hour passed us by. For me and my other weekday classmates, the class was an easy one (I found out this week that I am not in boot camp, but in boot camp extreme! Blog about this to follow. :)). For my two friends, they were in different levels of agony. When we were finished, there was a little soreness but all seemed fine as we headed off to lunch. As the day progressed, my mind kept going to Kris and I was worried about her level of pain but I resisted the urge to call her.

On Sunday, I called her about mid-day to check on her. She was very, very sore. The bad thing is that day one hurts, but day two kills! The pain she was feeling on Sunday was nothing compared to what she was going to feel on Monday. She is a fellow blogger and decided to blog about her first experience with boot camp and the fall out. You can check it out here.When I came into work this morning, she told me that she had written this so I opened it to get her perspective.

It was very funny. And sweet. Well until you get to the part where she calls me a pain junkie. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Here’s the first paragraph…

“So I have this fabulous friend that is not only awesome, she looks awesome! Whatโ€™s her secret? Oh Iโ€™m sure she has many, but one of them is that she is training for a marathon and attends exercise boot camp five days a week. Not that I think she needs it. When she started going to boot camp, I had the joys of watching her struggle just to move while โ€œowโ€ and โ€œohโ€ became a part of every tiny move she made. It was especially comical when she came to my house (which has lots of stairs) and she had to go up and down the stairs. She has been attending boot camp for about one month now, and has finally gotten used to it to where she is able to get through most weeks with little pain. But, I still think she is a pain junkie.”

The funniest part, though, is watching her very slowly hobble her way around the office. She experienced me when I had started boot camp and my difficulty in getting around and now completely understands. Her laughter at me has now been replaced with my laughter at her. I feel bad for her, but like I told my fellow boot camper, “S”, it is so funny when it is happening to someone other than me. ๐Ÿ˜‰ I’m glad she came out with Lauren and I. We had a lot of fun on Saturday. And despite her pain, we are still friends, which is a good thing since I really like her. I guess if you had to ask her, the lesson would be 1) I’m a pain junkie and 2) being my friend hurts. But her very, very smart husband says that “I’m a good influence” and I’m choosing to believe him over her. ๐Ÿ˜‰ So, who’s up for a little boot camp????

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Getting personal and why I do what I do….

Anyone that really knows me also knows that I am not quick with talk about my personal inner workings. I have a tendency to keep it close and work things out by myself. Great, happy things that are going on, I feel free to talk about, but let it be something hard, a struggle I am facing and I am locked up tighter than Fort Knox. I am never surprised at the shocked faces when friends slowly find out things that have happened months prior. And it usually happens with a “oh and this thing happened. Blah. Blah. Blah” followed by a quick “hold the heck on” from my friends. I am currently working to change that.

Last night, in the course of a conversation, I did the same thing to yet another person. As we were talking, I said something about being a cancer survivor. Shock crossed his face. “What?!?” My response? “I thought I told you.” And then I went on to tell him my story, answering any questions he had along the way.

I also told him that I had a cancer scare last year. During that scare, on the outside, I was very much “it’s nothing”. On the inside, I was scared as hell. My cousin died of breast cancer at a very young age. Every scare I have had along my journey was magnified when my doctors were told about this fact. The most common response was “that is way too young”. The way they treated me and my illness was always with that in mind and I am grateful. Any occurrence was usually found early and dealt with little invasion to my body or my life. While I was irritated about having to possess specialists and see them far more frequently than I cared (and I’m sure far more frequently than my insurance company cared for), it was always the reason things were discovered and dealt with so early.

Now of course I had some meltdowns along the way last year, but for the most part I kept a positive or at least a “positive” attitude. In October, one week after my 33rd birthday, I had surgery to take out the mass that was in question. The surgery was walk-in (love the advances of medicine!) and when the tests were completed, the results came back benign. After 7 months, I could finally breathe easy again.

5 months later, all I have left from that is a little scar that will fade over time but is a constant reminder of just how fragile life really is. I see the scar everyday and it has really affected my way of thinking. In January, I decided that I was going to join Team Rio and finally run the half marathon that I have been dying to run for almost 8 years now. In February, in an effort to aid my marathon training and my well-being all together, I joined D1 for a year to do boot camp 5 days a week. I’ve committed to a golf scramble in March. I am going to go skydiving this summer with a friend of mine (yes, I am jumping out of a perfectly functioning plane). I am doing the Warrior Dash with her in September, as well. I tell my friends that I love them when I get off the phone with them or when we part ways because I don’t want them to wonder how I feel about them for a second. I am meeting new people and forming new relationship because I refuse to let fear get in my way anymore. Wow! I am starting to feel like a Tim McGraw song!! ๐Ÿ™‚

Ultimately, I’ve decided that I am going to try to live like I have a million tomorrows and at the same time, live like today is my last. I want to make every second count because really I’m not guaranteed my next. And if I live to be 100, I don’t want to look back wishing I had done something that I let slip by, regretting time not spent with people I enjoyed, not loving people fully because fear and pride got in the way. I want to look back and know I lived to the fullest of my ability.

So call me crazy because of the things I’ve gotten myself involved with. Look at my schedule and wonder what the heck I am thinking. But I will tell you one thing, I am loving my life right now. I can’t tell you the last time I have felt this content and at peace. I may be busy and on the go, but I am not living in “oh, I wish I had” moments anymore. I am working on opening myself up to whatever the world is going to bring me and taking on life’s lessons along the way. This is really why I do what I do.

Categories: Boot Camp, Marathon, More Craziness | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Two days off and torturing my friends…

Last Saturday on my run, I twisted my knee. It didn’t feel all that bad that day and I really wanted to go have fun at 80’s night, so I dressed up and went out and had fun. Sunday, I still really wasn’t feeling any pain in my knee. To be honest though, I was still very sore from my workouts at boot camp from the week before so I couldn’t really tell you if I had pain in my knee or not. All I knew was that I wasn’t feeling any pain there at the moment. Woke up on Monday and went into boot camp. Mondays are upper body so I really didn’t work that knee too much. Tuesday I didn’t wake up for boot camp but I decided to make it up by hitting the 6p class. When I got there, I found out that the class was going to do lower body instead of the cardio that my class did on Tuesdays. I should have just got back in my car and went home and showed up for my Wednesday class, but like the junkie I am, I decided to stay and do the class. Wednesday morning, I showed up to my regular class and like I already knew, we were going to do lower body. That would make 2 lower body workouts in less that 12 hours. Bad move!! When the class was over, I was beginning to limp around and my knee was KILLING me. As the day progressed, my knee got worse. I spent the day with my knee wrapped, iced when I was sitting at my desk and limping around when I wasn’t. To make matters worse, I decided to wear 4 inch heels to work that day. Uh huh. 4 INCH HEELS! By the time I got home, my knee was throbbing with pain. Needless to say, I made the decision to not go to boot camp on Thursday morning. It killed me to think of skipping, but I really didn’t have a choice. I could no longer walk like a normal person. I will say, though, that I set my alarm for my normal boot camp wake up in the hopes of feeling well enough to go. When my alarm rang, I shut it off and reset it for another hour and half. ๐Ÿ™‚

All day Thursday, I kept my knee wrapped and iced and wore flip flops to work (which is frowned upon). By the time I got home, my knee was feeling better and I was actually hoping that I could make my Friday bootcamp, especially since that has become my favorite day of the week. I set my alarm before I went to bed and also set up another alarm for an hour and half later, just in case I woke up not feeling like I could do it. I am so glad I set up that second alarm! I must have shut off that first alarm in my sleep because when I opened my eyes and looked at my phone, it was 5:44a. DANG IT!!!! I missed my class! I dragged myself out of bed and got ready for work, now in a bad mood. I was feeling better and had I woken up on time, I would have gone to boot camp. I guess my body decided to override my brain. It was for the best in the end as I really needed to rest my knee for another day.

During the day on Friday, a friend and I got into a conversation about her coming to boot camp with me. As the day went on, we had settled on getting together on Saturday for the 10a class for her to try out and for me to make up my missed classes. Yes!! It was made even better by the rescheduling of my long run due to weather. I wouldn’t have to skip the run to make boot camp. On Saturday morning, I got a text that not only was my friend coming, another one of my friends would be joining her. This was going to be awesome!! As I was waiting for the both of them to show up to D1, I was getting more and more excited. Not only were they joining me for something I considered fun, I finally felt well enough to participate in the class fully. ๐Ÿ™‚ My only reservation was that boot camp was hard….really hard! I was just hoping that they would still be friends with me after the whole ordeal was over. We started the class by running two laps that involved stairs. Just think of it as the wuss’ version of Rocky. We then stretched out and I turned to my friends and said “and now it begins”. Their response was priceless.

“We haven’t started?!?!”

I laughed and we moved on with class. They were awesome!! It was awesome having them in there as well! We talked and laughed as we went through the hour. It made the class that much more fun for me. At the end, one of my friends decided that she was going to look into joining, which of course got me really excited! It would be great to have another friend there, especially one that I would actually get to work out with. And she cracks me up! A very welcome addition to what I already consider a fun time. Turns out that I only partially put my friends through torture. “L” at least enjoyed it enough to look into a membership. It’s been a weird several days all surrounding one little injury, but I am good now and am looking forward to getting back into my normal routine. Greg, my coach at D1, says that next week we’ll be back to our normal and very hard routine. All I have to say to that is BRING IT!

6 mile long run tomorrow!! ๐Ÿ™‚

Categories: Boot Camp | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Boot Camp is taking over my life…

Just want to start off by saying that I LOVE boot camp. I get up every morning excited to go, well except for this morning. ๐Ÿ™‚ Because of my already very tight schedule, the only class that I can take is the 5am class. That means that I get up at 4:15a every weekday morning to start my day. By the time 9pm rolls around, I am dragging around my place getting my gym bag together for the next day, willing myself to go faster so that I can crawl into bed.

I never was one to stay up crazy late unless I was feeling squirrely or I was out with friends, but 9:30p seems like a ridiculously early bedtime. Crazier because it is not because I want to go to sleep that early, but because I literally can no longer keep my eyes open. Wherever I am, couch or bed, 9:30p, 10p if I feel REALLY rested,ย  I am out. Comatose. We had 2 really large storms last week that I not only slept through, I woke up not even realizing there was a storm until I saw the mayhem on the streets as I was driving to boot camp. That morning, I told my coach that D1 had become my life to which he replied, “Good!”. Umm, nu uh!

Another thing about boot camp is that I have found every weak muscle in my body and they are all taking turns being sore. After my first day of boot camp, I could barely walk. Actually, right after the class ended, I walked into the office, laid my head on the counter and preceded to have a conversation with one of the employees about how much that hurt and how badly “S” was going to pay for suggesting that I try this, never once lifting my head from the safety of the counter. I just knew if I moved, I would collapse into a quivering pile of pathetic on the cold, hard office floor. When I saw “S” two days later, I was still hobbling around and moaning and groaning with each step. He thought it was hysterical…I did not. I guess I never should have laughed at him when he was talking about all his boot camp pain just weeks prior to my own. Oh, sweet karma, you get me every time. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Now that I am about a month in, I am not feeling the pain so much anymore. I have twinges. Today, my knee hurts. So when my alarm rang at 4:15a and I was still feeling exhausted, I decided between the pain and my being tired that I was not going to go today. Well that turned out to be a bigger mistake than I thought it would be. I think with that one change in my normal schedule, I made a mess of my routine. I’ve managed to forget several things at home, my brain included. I feel not only guilty about skipping boot camp, my body is actually rebelling against me. I told “S” that I skipped today but that I was thinking about making it up in the 6p class. He then told me how hard his class was. I now want to change my mind but I think it will make me feel worlds better if I just go and get it done. And of course not skip tomorrow. ๐Ÿ™‚ D1 has taken over….but again, I am loving it despite my bits of complaining. In about a month, I will wonder what all this whining was about. But until then, it is off to split squats and suicides for me!

Categories: Boot Camp | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

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