Posts Tagged With: divorce

Who are you when I’m not looking?

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve had some very curious incidents that have sprouted up that reminded me about a blog posting that I had read a couple of months ago. I’ve actually gone back and forth on writing this posting because I wondered about how people would perceive thisย  but then I remembered that I really am not one that is too worried about perception and ironically, the incidents all have to do with perception so here goes. ๐Ÿ™‚

Single is just where I find myself these days. And by single, I mean I am not married, nor am I living with anyone. I am dating someone, though.

That has seemed to cause a stir within some people. And not how I would have thought. Here is a little excerpt of the blog that I reread this morning which you can find in its entirety here. I think it explains the phenomenon I’m facing right now the best. The title of the post is Domestic Enemies of the Single Mom. Enjoy! ๐Ÿ™‚

Next on deck, the evil Married who is threatened by our very presence and is a judgment filled B from the time you first meet her. Sheโ€™s usually found at school functions and neighborhood block parties. She may smile and say hello but she secretly believes that the big S you wear on your chest is not for Super Woman, which it is, but instead for her much more sinister twin sister, Super Slut. The Scarlet Letter Marrieds will go out of their way to avoid you for fear that your singlemomness is contagious or that you may eat men, or more specifically, their men. I believe in making nice though so to win these particular Marrieds over just smile and sweetly mention how handsome their husband is. Just kidding. No Iโ€™m not. OK so itโ€™s not nice but you totally catch more stuck up self righteous flies with honey. I was raised in the south so of this I am certain, we have manners.

The rest of the blog is filled with stuff written much in the same manner as the above, all of which I agree with it. As off kilter as my filter is, it still catches some of the things I probably should keep to myself. This girl lets it all hang out and for that, I am grateful. ๐Ÿ™‚

So now my perspective. First and foremost, I do not now, nor will I in the future, want your man. I can find my own, thank you very much. And I also live by “I do not date my friend’s ex’s or my ex’s friends”, which also includes the man you are currently dating. And second, singleness is not contagious. If I sneeze, the worst you may get is the flu, which sucks, but will not end in the destruction of your marriage. But I am finding out that there are some women who believe that one of these two scenarios could happen if they spent too much time with me.

I will not go into the specifics of the situations, but I can tell you I was shocked every time. The funny thing is that the person they see is not the person I actually am. For the most part, I am pretty put together with the crazy red hair and the makeup, clothes and heels. But the reality of who I am is that I would wear jeans and a t-shirt and my favorite pair of flip flops all day, everyday if I could. And as much as I can, I do. On Saturday mornings, I run errands with no makeup on and my hair in a ponytail or pulled through a ball cap and feel exactly as I would if I was fully done up. I am not here to impress anyone and honestly, I have neither the time nor energy to worry about it. If you like me, good. If you don’t, good. We weren’t all made to like one another and I’m okay with that.

And this self confidence that I walk around with came with years upon years of therapy and hard work. I got tired of being either Eeyore or a crazed lunatic so I made changes. And by no means am I anywhere near to being perfect. That day will never come. I could spend hours picking apart the tiny little things I don’t like about myself. Things most people are not aware of or could care less about, but that would mean regressing into a person I no longer want to be so I choose not to. But I will tell you, on my bad days, and yes I do have them, when I look in the mirror, I do not see the person anyone else sees. Hell, on my good days, I don’t either! And ask anyone that has had a real relationship with me, friends or lovers, I have flaws…in spades. Wanna know some? Google the song “Who are you when I’m not looking?” by Joe Nichols. About sums me up. ๐Ÿ™‚

So, no, I will not eat your man if he comes near me and no, your wedding ring will not instantly vanish if you brush up against me. But if you take the time to know me, really know me, we may end up great friends with a lot in common or at least somewhat friends that are excited to see each other once in a while. I guess the old adage is true…Never judge a book by its cover. To which I’d like to add…the pages are probably just as busted and torn as all the others. ๐Ÿ™‚

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