Posts Tagged With: accomplishment

I suck at this blogging thing…

A-true-relationship-is-having-someone-who-accepts-your-past-supports-your-present-loves-you-and-encourages-your-futureNot that this statement is shocking to anyone that has read this blog with any frequency. πŸ™‚ But I think I finally know why. I started this blog to kinda get outside of myself. I have struggled a long time with allowing people close enough to hurt me. Now, I realize that one’s instinct is to keep themselves safe, but I kept EVERYONE at least arm’s length. But at the same time, I would help anyone that I could, as often as I could. I thought this was being a good friend. Helping them carry their burdens while not burdening them with my own. But that is not true relationship. It’s a give and take. And I found as I began to let people in, that it was frustrating for them to be in relationship with me while I purposely held parts of myself to myself.

And it was a lonely place to be. While I was safe from any emotional harm, I also was no longer living life. I actually don’t know if I had ever lived life. And then I let go this perception of self preservation and began to open up. I started with those that were already my friends. I let them get closer. I shared struggles with them and let them help me, even if the help was nothing more than to listen. And it was difficult! So freaking difficult to do. As I spoke about whatever I was struggling about, I was also worrying on the inside of how they were perceiving me. I mean was I being petty? Did I blow things out of proportion? Was my friend sitting there thinking that I was just a huge loser? Turns out no. Well, most of the time. I am human. And I have honest friends πŸ˜‰

So I started this blog as an exercise to get out of my comfort zone. It started with the mundane (and often hysterical) training stories of my marathon training and then circuit training. And every once in a while, I put a little something personal on there, and I would just see the numbers skyrocket on views. (Oh, and one secret I’ve kept is that I could see the view count and search terms. Someone out there has been regularly searching out my blog but would never subscribe. I see you! πŸ˜‰ Ha!!)

And then those posts became more regular. And the more honest I became, the more it seemed to attract people’s attention. And never once did I receive anything negative. And this is the forum to do it. Complete anonymity!! But a fantastic thing seemed to happen in the process. The more I got used to opening up, the more I was not met with judgmental attitudes, the more I opened up. Β In real life. I worried less about the opinions of those that didn’t matter. I became transparent to those that I love and love me. I began to live a life with arms wide open. I began to simply live life.

Now I’m not saying that I have not been hurt in the process because I have. Deeply. There have been moments where I was convinced that I would be unable to claw my way back to the surface. But then I remembered that I didn’t have to do it alone. That I had people that were there to help me. That wantedΒ to help me. And then there were moments that I trusted people that weren’t who they presented themselves to be and I just had to let go of those relationships instead of trying to figure out the why of the situation.Β And as broken as my heart was, I bounced back. Some situations took longer than others, but I bounced back with the help of my friends.

And as I lived more transparently in my real life, I spent less time chronicling my shenanigans on here. Β Because I became busy. Busy living the life I was always meant to live. Enjoying the wonderfully genuine people that were placed in my path. Busy living the life I used to write about in this blog.

And in my times of need, I reached out for help. I began to shed this huge ego problem that I held so tightly to before ( <- I attribute this to Jiu Jitsu, btw). And man I’m a lucky girl! Because no matter the situation, the help was abundant. Whether it was deep, big problems or a mini sobfest in the middle of my bed, someone was there to care for me. With absolutely no judgement. Now I’m not perfect. I still struggle with opening up. But those same people that are there to support me also support me by gently reminding me that I am being a stubborn ass. πŸ˜‰ I’m a work in progress. πŸ™‚

So I think I know why I now suck at this blog thing. It’s because I no longer suck at this thing called life. So like other things in my life that were only meant to be in my life for a season, I am saying goodbye to this blog.

~~Til we meet again (in real life)

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Pain…with visual :)

So Friday I missed boot camp because I thought it was Thursday and therefore I justified my sleeping in with “I can catch the evening class”. Well, when I woke up and realized that it was not Thursday, but in fact Friday, I also remembered that there was not a Friday pm class to go to. Dang it! Later that night I got a Facebook message from my coach Greg that said that the 10am Saturday class had been canceled. Dang it! Dang it! He also said that I could catch the 6am or 7am class if I wanted. So I set my alarm for 6:15am so that I could do the 7am class the next morning. When the alarm rang, my only thought was why am I waking up this stinking early on a Saturday and rolled over and went back to bed. I mean, it wasn’t my fault that I wasn’t going to make the 10am class, right? Then there is Sunday. There are no classes on Sunday. So for three days, I did not do boot camp. I did no workout whatsoever. Even worse, I ate like crap. Uh huh!! I was not looking forward to returning to boot camp Monday morning.

Which brings me to the lovely picture at the top of this post. I decided that to explain my pain for Monday morning was just not going to be enough. I figured a visual would help cement the fun I had at 5am. We did our normal 2 laps around the field with stairs followed by stretching. Already I was winded. Oh, no! It didn’t help that it was hotter than hell in there. I can’t WAIT until the actual summer when I get to work out in what I imagine will feel like an oven. πŸ™‚ So here is the breakdown of my workout. This took about 45 minutes…straight…with no break.

Start at Tina face 1: 10 push-ups (modified for me because my arms resemble Olive Oyl’s)

Run to Tina face 2: 10 push-ups (again modified because I’m a wimp)

Run to Tina face 3: 10 push-ups

Run to Tina face 4: 10 push-ups

Not bad, right? Right! Lap 2 involved those same 10 push-ups at each corner followed by 15 in-and-outs (think mountain climber, but instead of alternating legs, you do both legs at the same time. I like them better. πŸ™‚ )

Lap 3: 10 push-ups at each corner, 15 in-and-outs, and now add 20 body squats…at each corner.

Lap 4: 10 push-ups, 15 in-and-outs, 20 body squats, 25 crunches…AT EACH CORNER!!

Oh did I mention that I had to run from each corner to the next. Yeah. I did. You’re tired aren’t you?? So was I! And dripping with sweat because if there was a sub-level of hell that was hotter than hell, I was working out there. I. CAN’T. BREEEEEEEATHE!

Aaaand….wait for it….we weren’t done. *twirl and faint*

We then had to start at Lap 4 and work our way back down the ladder to lap one. Running in between. In the sub-level of hell. I was sucking down water every time I passed my water bottle, hoping that would help cool me down. All it did was make me notice that each time I took a drink, my water seemed warmer. Whatever. Hydrate, Hydrate, Hydrate!!

Love my coach tho! I know, crazy right?? The whole time I heard “Go, go, go”. “You’re doing great!” And the one phrase that kicked my ass in gear. “Beat them.” I’m a little competitive and for the most part, I am competitive with myself. I want to beat what I did last time. Run faster. Do more squats. More push ups. Stay in plank longer. Whatever. But there is also a part of me that hates being last. So yesterday when Greg whispered “beat them”, all I could think of was “Hell YES!” The last two laps were done faster than I would have if I had kept the pace I was going just prior to that. And I beat them!! πŸ™‚

Just in case you weren’t keeping track of just how many of each thing we did, let me break it down for you.

320 Push-ups (even modified, that sucked!)

360 In-and Outs (wasn’t so bad)

320 Body Squats (thighs. burning. ow!)

200 Crunches (just ow!)

After I was done, I looked like the little blue stick figure in the picture above. Sprawled out on the turf, breathing heavy, but done. Oh and I was NOT smiling. πŸ˜‰ I was supposed to be doing ab work but my body told me no so I did what I could and laid there the rest of the time. BUT, and big, big BUT, with only having gone for 2 months, I’ve seen a huge difference. I have muscles that I never knew existed. I’m a lot stronger than I was. And by the time it’s bathing suit season, I will be more than ready. Dying, sweating, unable to breathe, slowly cooking in the crazy southern heat, I’m getting the results I want and more. LOVE D1, my coach and my results. πŸ™‚ LOVE THEM!!!!

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Boot Camp vs. Boot Camp Extreme

D1 has two different types of boot camp classes, regular boot camp and boot camp extreme. My fellow boot camper, Sam, does and has gone to the boot camp extreme class for quite some time, excluding a little break. When he started going back to D1, he was very sore. I remember one night receiving a text that said that he had to bend over to pick something up and almost didn’t make it back up. What I said to him was “poor thing”, but what I was actually doing was laughing hysterically. The next couple of weeks involved more texts of even greater pain, centralized in different parts of his body depending on what exercise sets he did that day. Some texts just said that he wanted to die. With every text, the response was the same, some version of “I feel bad for you”, all the while laughing to myself.

Then it was my turn. One of the running coaches on my team runs a boot camp style class and had been talking about it. I didn’t think anything of it until I started having difficulty increasing my mileage. In a conversation I had with Sam, I mentioned that I was thinking about checking out my coach’s boot camp, hoping that would push me beyond the wall that I was facing in my running. It was then that he suggested that I try out D1, where he goes to boot camp. In all honesty, I was talking more abstractly. It was more like, “I was thinking, I may, or may not, possibly, maybe check out my coach’s boot camp…someday.” So I told him that I would look D1 up and check it out.Β  The planets must have been perfectly aligned. Or maybe my first inclination was correct and he’s an undercover D1 recruiter. πŸ™‚ Either way, when I looked up boot camp information at D1, there were free Saturdays going on as part of their New Year’s Resolution initiative. I filled out the registration information, still thinking that I may not go. I mean I was already training for a marathon. Well, when Saturday came, I got up and did my long run and then decided to drive out to D1 and give this boot camp a try. It didn’t help that right before our long run that morning, one of the coaches made mention of the other boot camp. I took that as a sign to go and at least try it out. What’s the worst that could happen, right??

Oh so wrong!!! I told Sam that I was a little freaked out to go a couple days before. He told me that I would be fine. He said that I had been training for the marathon so I had a leg up. Well, alrighty then!!

I should have known that there was a possibility that he was stretching the truth. He had done that to me before. πŸ™‚ The boot camp about killed me. I could barely stand up after. While talking to the recruiter after the class, I found out that Sam not only did boot camp, he did the boot camp extreme class. I couldn’t even imagine as I was already praying for death.

Well I tried it out a couple more times and what Sam already knew was going to happen, happened. I was hooked. Despite the pain, I was loving every second of it. I joined right before Valentine’s Day and chose the only class that I could make in my current schedule, the 5am class.

I guess I wasn’t paying attention or just thought that all the normal classes were as hard as mine. I mean, I had just started. It was brutal! And then I overheard a conversation that my coach was having with a prospective member.

Greg: So, why did you choose this class to try out?

Member: What do you mean?

Greg: You do know that this is the extreme class and not the regular boot camp class.

Member: Oh! No I didn’t.

Uumm, yeah.Β  Greg??? I DIDN’T KNOW EITHER!!! So for a month, my very first month, I have been going to boot camp extreme. I now know why I’ve had such difficulty moving. Not only did I jump in with both feet, I landed in water that was neck deep. Now by no means does that mean I am going to step down and do the regular boot camp class. I’ve worked really hard and have gotten to the point where it isn’t nearly as painful. There is no way that I am going to take a step backwards. Not only am I staying in my current class, I am also going to take Sam on in his boot camp class. We’ve been talking about me going to one of his classes since I started and now I feel like I could actually do it. We are a tad bit competitive so this has less to do with doing the class together and more to do with doing it better than the other. They keep telling us that it is not a competition and to go at our own pace, but for that one day it is on! Sam, you are going down!!!!

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Funny stories from the D1 floor…

I know I’ve said it over and over, but I love going to boot camp! I figured since my stories are largely about how much pain I am in, I would switch gears and tell some funny stories from the turf at D1. This morning inspired me as it was another funny morning. So here are a couple of funny classes for me:

1) My coach is 23 years old. It’s not his fault but when you are leading a class of 30 & 40 somethings, it may be a little difficult. The day we found out, which was during his first week leading our class, we all were stunned. I just looked at him and then told him I was going to run to the other side of the field to throw up. πŸ™‚ After that, it just became a free for all when it came to his age. When he said a title to a movie or a song, someone would pipe up and ask how he knew about it since he was so young. There were constant comments about him being a baby and other instances like these. Well on Monday, picking on him about his age started again. I guess in the two days that I missed last week, members started to call him Bieber. On Monday, everyone used Bieber references when talking to him, myself included. I don’t remember what he said to me but my response was “Never, say, Never, Greg!” He was not amused. He punished us with exercises. BUT it was so worth it! πŸ™‚

2) On one Wednesday morning (it was legs day, that’s how I remember), we were nearing the end of our class and our coach had us do wall squats while passing a medicine ball down the line. It was torture. After doing about 45 minutes of leg workouts, my legs, and the legs of my classmates were screaming! Legs at 90 degrees, shaking, made worse when the medicine ball was thrown into my arms. Every time my coach looked away, I grabbed the ledge above me to give myself a few seconds of relief. I got busted more than once. At one point Greg screamed “Tina, down!” I felt like a puppy! πŸ™‚ Everyone was doing something different, anything to make the time pass and trying to forget the pain. And that is when I heard Greg let out a huge laugh. I looked up and saw him looking at another classmate of mine. The question that came out of his mouth sent me over the edge. “Are you saying the Lord’s Prayer?!?!?!?!” My classmate, in an effort to be transported from his pain, was reciting the Lord’s Prayer, over and over, face in a blank stare. Priceless!!

These are just two of many but I’ve been up since 4:15a after having gone to bed at midnight (dumb Words with Friends! :)), so I’m tired and my thinking is a little fuzzy. Point is, boot camp, while hard, is very enjoyable. Or at least my group makes it very enjoyable. πŸ™‚

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Getting personal and why I do what I do….

Anyone that really knows me also knows that I am not quick with talk about my personal inner workings. I have a tendency to keep it close and work things out by myself. Great, happy things that are going on, I feel free to talk about, but let it be something hard, a struggle I am facing and I am locked up tighter than Fort Knox. I am never surprised at the shocked faces when friends slowly find out things that have happened months prior. And it usually happens with a “oh and this thing happened. Blah. Blah. Blah” followed by a quick “hold the heck on” from my friends. I am currently working to change that.

Last night, in the course of a conversation, I did the same thing to yet another person. As we were talking, I said something about being a cancer survivor. Shock crossed his face. “What?!?” My response? “I thought I told you.” And then I went on to tell him my story, answering any questions he had along the way.

I also told him that I had a cancer scare last year. During that scare, on the outside, I was very much “it’s nothing”. On the inside, I was scared as hell. My cousin died of breast cancer at a very young age. Every scare I have had along my journey was magnified when my doctors were told about this fact. The most common response was “that is way too young”. The way they treated me and my illness was always with that in mind and I am grateful. Any occurrence was usually found early and dealt with little invasion to my body or my life. While I was irritated about having to possess specialists and see them far more frequently than I cared (and I’m sure far more frequently than my insurance company cared for), it was always the reason things were discovered and dealt with so early.

Now of course I had some meltdowns along the way last year, but for the most part I kept a positive or at least a “positive” attitude. In October, one week after my 33rd birthday, I had surgery to take out the mass that was in question. The surgery was walk-in (love the advances of medicine!) and when the tests were completed, the results came back benign. After 7 months, I could finally breathe easy again.

5 months later, all I have left from that is a little scar that will fade over time but is a constant reminder of just how fragile life really is. I see the scar everyday and it has really affected my way of thinking. In January, I decided that I was going to join Team Rio and finally run the half marathon that I have been dying to run for almost 8 years now. In February, in an effort to aid my marathon training and my well-being all together, I joined D1 for a year to do boot camp 5 days a week. I’ve committed to a golf scramble in March. I am going to go skydiving this summer with a friend of mine (yes, I am jumping out of a perfectly functioning plane). I am doing the Warrior Dash with her in September, as well. I tell my friends that I love them when I get off the phone with them or when we part ways because I don’t want them to wonder how I feel about them for a second. I am meeting new people and forming new relationship because I refuse to let fear get in my way anymore. Wow! I am starting to feel like a Tim McGraw song!! πŸ™‚

Ultimately, I’ve decided that I am going to try to live like I have a million tomorrows and at the same time, live like today is my last. I want to make every second count because really I’m not guaranteed my next. And if I live to be 100, I don’t want to look back wishing I had done something that I let slip by, regretting time not spent with people I enjoyed, not loving people fully because fear and pride got in the way. I want to look back and know I lived to the fullest of my ability.

So call me crazy because of the things I’ve gotten myself involved with. Look at my schedule and wonder what the heck I am thinking. But I will tell you one thing, I am loving my life right now. I can’t tell you the last time I have felt this content and at peace. I may be busy and on the go, but I am not living in “oh, I wish I had” moments anymore. I am working on opening myself up to whatever the world is going to bring me and taking on life’s lessons along the way. This is really why I do what I do.

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Day 28-Boot Camp

I’m back!! Yesterday morning, we had a 5 mile long run. I was still unsure if I was going to be able to run the 5 miles and was actually a little concerned that something might be going on preventing me from running at all. About halfway to our meeting point, it started to snow. It was already cold but the snow was a little much. I woke up that morning thinking that if it were snowing or raining, I wasn’t going to the group run and would instead run on my treadmill. When I walked out on my deck to check the weather, it was not only not snowing or raining, the sun was actually shining. I guess I just really needed to be at the run, so the snow held off until I was well on my way. By the time I got to our meeting place, the snow had stopped and I was grateful. We got our instructions and headed out for the run. The first quarter mile was a little rough but then the pain stopped. I was starting to feel good as I was running, even with the hilly course. I slowed to a fast walk once to drink some water, but other than that I ran the entire 5 miles. The satisfaction I was feeling was awesome.

After my run, I drove home quickly to change into shorts and headed out to a boot camp that I registered for. They were having a couple of free weekends and a friend of mine does the boot camp there 5 days a week and said it was awesome and that I would love it. Got there just in time for registration and got to watch the boot camp class in front of mine complete their last 15 minutes. Holy cow!! I started to get a little scared. When it was time to start, we gathered on the astroturf (the boot camp takes place on an indoor football field) and the instructor started to talk about what we were going to do. The best part was her opening line.

“If you need to throw up, which is perfectly normal, please try to get to the concrete or trash cans. We prefer if you choose the trash cans but either one is fine as long as you don’t throw up on the astroturf.”

Uummm, what?!?!?!?! What was I going to be doing that would make throwing up a normal part of the class? I soon found out. 3 jogs around the field started the class. Easy. I just did 5 miles. πŸ™‚ Then it began. The next hour was a blur of fast movement and burning body parts. It was very fast paced and I felt like I was completely out of shape. The only thing that I didn’t struggle in was the 3 laps around the field at the beginning of the class. When the class was over, which by the way, ended up being over an hour because we went over our time, I had a conversation with one of the staff with my head on the counter the entire time. I’m sure I’m not the first one to do that but at the moment I really didn’t care. It hurt to even lift my head. As I was talking with my head down on the counter, I was texting my friend. First text to him? “OW!” What I found out in the course of my conversation with the staff person was that my friend not only does the boot camp 5 times a week, he does the boot camp extreme. Insane! I remember his descriptions of his pain when he first started back at boot camp and would kinda find it funny. He once told me that he was afraid to bend over because he was sure he wasn’t going to be able to get back up. I now understand completely!! Yesterday, as the day went on, I progressively got more and more sore. By the time I woke up this morning, I was wishing for death. I rolled out of bed with a groan. I was sure my legs were going to give out on me and I was going to drop to the ground with no ability to help myself. I managed to make it downstairs to my friend who was already up. With every stair, I let out a involuntary groan. My friend just laughed. It wasn’t funny but at least she had coffee. By the time I left my friend’s house and got back home, my muscles were starting to loosen back up but I was still in crazy pain. I took a hot bath which seemed to help for a little bit and then made the decision that I was going to go play tennis. I needed to move or my muscles were going to lock up on me and it was going to get worse. It started out painful, but the longer I went the better I felt. By the end, I was only partially sore which was a vast improvement to the death I was wishing for this morning. Tomorrow I have 3 miles to run for my training. I’m hoping that I can do it but I am going to at least try.

Next Saturday I have a 6 mile long run at 8:30am. After that I will get in my car and head back to D1 to do boot camp again. Yes, I know that sounds crazy, but as painful as it was, I can’t even begin to explain just how much fun I had during the class. The exercise is insane, the pace is fast, the music is loud, and the whole time I am loving every second of it. I’m glad my friend told me about boot camp and encouraged me to go. He was right. I love it! I am now a boot camp junkie. πŸ™‚

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Swimming

I can’t swim. I can sink but I can’t swim. It’s sad because I used to live in Florida and time at the beach would be spent either on the sand or wading ever so carefully in shallower water. Actually, two years ago, a friend and I went down to Rosemary Beach and the only thing I did in the water was wash the sand off my feet. Don’t get me wrong. I would LOVE to go out in the water and swim around or at least have the confidence that if a huge wave came in, I wouldn’t be washed away with no hope of surviving.

Apparently, this is the year that I am going to take care of what I’ve always wanted to do. First is running the 1/2 marathon. Training underway. Now, I want to learn how to swim. I’ve always heard other people talk about how fun/relaxing it is to swim. I would like to find out for myself.

Well, yesterday, I traded my geekery skills for information about adult swimming lessons and got the hook up. My boss’ daughter is a swim instructor at the Y and is willing to teach me and if our schedules conflict, gave me the name of her boss. I have to say that while I am excited, I am also TERRIFIED! I have a huge fear of the water. It used to be so ridiculous that I wouldn’t wash my face in the shower. I would tip my head waaaaay back to clean the shampoo and conditioner out of my hair and would wait to wash my face in the sink when my shower was complete. I told you…ridiculous!

So now I am going to take the final plunge (literally) and learn how to swim. The timing is perfect. This summer I am going to the beach again and my sister is (hopefully) moving to the coast. I would like to finally take full advantage of the beach while I’m there. πŸ™‚

3 miles tonight!! Hooah! πŸ˜‰

Categories: More Craziness | Tags: , , , | 4 Comments

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