I love country music

There. I said it. And anyone that knows me is soooooo not shocked right now, but I’ve avoided writing this posting because I didn’t want to admit the real reason. Hence the silence of the blog. I don’t write what come to mind, I can’t write anything else.

Anyways, I think there is more to my liking country music than just liking the genre, which I do. I secretly love the abundance of love songs. The part I try to keep hidden is super, utterly a romantic. I love giving and receiving romantic gestures and I love the romantic life that country music projects. I get that the songs are not reality but I can’t help loving the idea of someone being so captivated by me that they behave like they do in the songs I love. Can’t help it. I’m a girl 🙂

Another part of me realizes that I am not your traditional southern girl either. First off, I moved to the south when I was 12…from Germany 🙂 I have the mouth of a sailor. Actually, I could probably make some sailors blush. I’m a fighter. To my core. Luckily, I found jiu jitsu and a bunch of like minded people. But there is still the part of me that loves the idea that every romantic comedy and country love song talks about.

The “you’re so awesome, I can’t believe you are mine, I’m so lucky” kinda message. So there. The real reason. And now maybe I can finally write again. 🙂

~~Til the next time

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Favorite movie and why

Day 27I always forget about this movie until I see it again. And I saw it again today and have it now playing while I work. It has to be hands down my all time favorite movie. It’s a British romantic comedy by the name of Love Actually. It follows 10 different stories over the course of the movie. I’m not going to go too far into the movie, but if you love romantic comedies (even secretly) and you haven’t seen this one, you must, must, must watch it. 🙂 So the why. Well, as jaded and cynical as I am about love, deep down, I am still very much a hopeless romantic. And if I were to be perfectly honest, I still believe in love. Shhhhh, don’t tell. 😉

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A book you love

tumblr_lswfedOCl71qhid7go1_500I love, love, love this book. It is my absolute favorite book. The book is The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery. If you have not read it, click on the picture on the left and it will take you to a pdf version of the book.

It is a children’s book but I think the lessons within it is better suited for adults. I love this book so much that I keep it with me on my phone. Simply put, the book is about what is important: in life, in love, in everything. My favorite part of the book is chapter 21.

Brief synopsis: Le Petite Prince lives on a tiny planet where he has 3 volcanoes that reach his knees (one extinct) and his tiny flower, his love. The tiny flower bothers him a bit by her behavior. She is a bit much to handle. And she has told him that she is the only flower like that in the whole world. And so in his annoyance, he decides to leave his planet and journey to other planets. He ends up on earth and sees several hundred roses that look just like his and he is disappointed. Disappointed in her. And then he meets a fox. This is one part of the story that gets me. Makes me remember:

“Go and look again at the roses. You will understand now that yours is unique in all the world. Then come back to say goodbye to me, and I will make you a present of a secret.”

The little prince went away, to look again at the roses.

“You are not at all like my rose,” he said. “As yet you are nothing. No one has tamed you, and you have tamed no one. You are like my fox when I first knew him. He was only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But I have made him my friend, and now he is unique in all the world.” And the roses were very much embarrassed.

“You are beautiful, but you are empty,” he went on. “One could not die for you. To be sure, an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you- the rose that belongs to me. But in herself alone she is more important than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that I have watered; because it is she that I have put under the glass globe; because it is she that I have sheltered behind the screen; because it is for her that I have killed the caterpillars (except the two or three that we saved to become butterflies); because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled, or boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing. Because she is my rose.

And he went back to meet the fox.

“Goodbye,” he said.

“Goodbye,” said the fox. “And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

I know what this means to me, but I leave it up to your own interpretations. That is what is fun about books. 🙂 Again, if you haven’t read the book, I hope that you do. The story is a short one. There are several other lessons in the book, but this is one that in particular is most important to me.

~~Til the next time

Day 22

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What kind of person attracts you

challengeThis one is kinda an easy one. I’ve written more than one post about this. So here goes. The continuation of the worst attempt at a 30 day writing challenge…in history.

Friendly. Funny. Easy going. Strong. A communicator. Affectionate. Honest. Accountable. Fair. Playful. Supportive. Adventurous. Faithful. Confident. Empathetic. Caring. Down for the quality time (alone and with others). Real (Don’t fake it! Trust me, fake it ’til you make it, don’t work).

Uuuuuummmmm….okay, this is hard.

I guess just someone that has the qualities listed above and also open to let what happens happen. I’ve been very guilty of walling myself in in some effort to protect myself but instead I found myself hurting people and found myself hurt more often than not. Hurt and very lonely. It has seemed that in the last several years, even though I’ve had my share of failed relationships, it was better to be open to the possibility then to pretend I didn’t care. Some failed relationships ended in friendship. Some just ended. But I don’t regret putting myself out there. So I guess a big one for me is a willingness. There is more that I’m sure I’ve covered in other posts 🙂 This was just the short and dirty version.

Day 458,558,684 down!! 😉

~~Til the next time

Day 28

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I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours ;)

5-love-languagesOh, yes. I do realize that I’ve skipped waaaaaay ahead. I’ve decided that the world’s longest 30 day challenge no longer followed the rules anyways, so I’m picking what I want to write 🙂 So, day 20: What is your love language?? If you don’t know what this is, or even better, what yours is, click on the pic and it will take you to a short quiz. Trust me, totally worth the time.

I’ve mentioned this in another post sort of, but my biggest love language is physical touch.

Physical Touch

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face–they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.

I’m a toucher. I just am. More so with the people in my life but I’ve been known to disregard a stranger’s personal space a time or two. Mostly with a touch while in conversation. I’ve been accused of being flirty because of this, but I promise you, it is not. AT ALL. That is just another way I communicate.

Another that ranks up there is Quality Time. Time spent together. I love it. So the guy I’m seeing doesn’t own a television and I have to say that it is quite nice. He has Netflix so if we wanted to watch something we could, but so far we haven’t. It’s been nice just laying on the couch talking. Getting to know each other. Talk about one another’s days. Hang out with the kiddos 🙂 Enjoy the silence. I highly recommend it. You don’t have to sell your TVs but maybe turn it off for a bit. 🙂

So there you go 🙂 Just curious, what is yours?

~~Til the next time…

Day 20

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I fight like a girl


We interrupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you this important message… Yeah, whatever. First, I have something else to write about. And second, just not ready to write the next day posting topic 😉 And this is my blog, soooooooo I’ll do what I feel 🙂

So about this time last month, with the encouragement of a friend, I decided to try out a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu class located down the road from where I work. I drug my darling friend, Ali, and we got set up and learned a couple techniques and really liked it. Well, I did. She…not so much. 🙂 We sat out when everyone started to roll (spar) and as I watched the class pair off and begin, the excitement grew. I think a more normal reaction would have been fear, trepidation, anxiety. Nope, not for me. I couldn’t wait. The following Monday, I was part of the class. I went 5 out of the 6 days that first week. I think the following week was the same. Actually, every week looks about that way. I’m hooked. That first week, I was calling my brother-in-law every night after class to tell him what happened and get advice. He used to fight so is a great resource for me.

But I gotta say, I kinda felt like I was drowning. Closed guard. Half guard. Mount. High mount. Side mount. Grips. Arm bar. Shrimping. What?!?!?! What in the hell are they talking about?? So I watched. And asked questions. And googled. And YouTubed. Anything I could to even begin to figure out what they were talking about. As quickly as I learned something, it seemed to fall right out of my ear. The one thing that I learned pretty early on was that my brain does not automatically operate in BJJ. Just about anything I learned seemed counterintuitive.

Oh, so you did this?? My reaction: move away. BJJ method: get closer. But that is one of the greatest lures to the sport for me. It is a thinking game. Human chess. Your opponent makes a move. What are your options? Read the situation. Assess. Move. When I leave class in the evenings, I am worn out. WORN THE FUCK OUT! But my mind is in hyperdrive. Replaying what we learned. What we practiced. What happened when I rolled. I’m already planning on what to research. What to read up on. What videos to seek out on YouTube. The bruises, the many, many bruises, I wear with pride. I earned those. And I’m learning. Oh man, am I learning.

And I’m glad I picked the school I did. I have the best classmates in the world. They are all ready to help me. Give me advice. Show me where I went wrong. The other night I got caught in a position so after class, I was shown how to get out of it the next time it happened. Little did I know the next time was going to be the next night. And I didn’t get caught again. And it was all because of great and very helpful advice. I love being a part of the Gracie family of fighters. 🙂

65598_10200656827375737_1381282187_nThe best part???? I got my first stripe the other night. YaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaY! Very excited and was completely caught off guard when the professor called my name. I’m pretty sure I skipped over to him. No, I’m sure I did. But I couldn’t help it. I’m a girl. That fights. 🙂 It felt great to move a step ahead.

But even better? The feeling like I am beginning to tread water. I’m no longer as confused by the terms used in class. I’ve done and am continuing to do my research. Again, I’m obssessed. 🙂 My body has begun to figure out how to move. Well, a little. I’m still getting smashed, but it is now taking a little bit longer.

So now this is what I do for fun and how I spend my evenings:

~~Til the next time… (maybe on the mat 😉 )

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14: What is the thing you most wish you were great at

Day 14: What is the thing you most wish you were great at

Day 14

1335654589812_1310403This one is an easy one 🙂 I started Brazilian Jiu Jitsu about 2 weeks ago and I love it!! But because I’ve only been doing this for two weeks, I am seriously lacking the technical skill that everyone else in class has. I’m the newest member and most have already been doing this for months. I have great classmates, tho. They are all so helpful. I have no problems asking questions and they are all quick to help answer whatever I ask. It makes the fact that I know very little a lot less frustrating. When we work on technical skills, everyone I’m paired up with is great with the advice. For this lover of learning, I’m in heaven. BJJ is described as a human chess match, always reading the situation and thinking several moves ahead. Instead of listening to music at my desk now, I have a small window open playing BJJ fundamental videos. 🙂  I’m a girl obsessed. So right now when we roll, I’m just trying to survive, but I’m learning a lot. It’ll start to click soon. Until then, I am fine to keep learning with the great assistance of my professor and classmates.

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Day 12: Describe 5 strengths you have

Day 12Day 12: Describe 5 strengths you have

1. Competitive–I think some may see this as a bad thing but I see it as a good thing. Especially because the one that I am most competitive with is myself. I push myself in whatever I do.

2. Outgoing–I’m completely comfortable talking to pretty much anyone around. I like meeting people. I like hanging out with people. It’s fun for me 🙂

3. Optimistic–I do have a tendency to see the sunny side of life. I just believe that if you seek out the negative side of life, that will be all you find. So why not turn that around and look at what is good 🙂 And I think there is plenty of good.

4. Easily forgives–For the most part, I don’t really hold grudges. It would have to be a really big thing that would make me turn away from you. I just don’t have the time to waste holding on to what, in the grand scheme of things, is quite insignificant.

5. Fearlessly loves–When I love, I LOVE. I have no problem telling you. Showing you. Life is just so short, so why play all the games. Love who you love to the best of your ability. ❤

~~Til the next time…

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Day 11: Describe 5 weaknesses you have

So I had it pointed out to me a couple days ago that I was on Day 10 of my 30 day writing challenge 20 days too late. Please see point number one below 🙂 This is so very normal for me. So on to Day 11!!!! Woooooooooo 😉

Day Topic 11: Describe 5 weaknesses you have

This is a weird one for me and I think it is because I am fiercely competitive. I don’t look at weaknesses and think “ah, crap!” I look at weaknesses as opportunities to grow. So here is a list of opportunities to grow. 😉 There, much better!


1. Attention span of a goldfish–Oh good Lord!! Anyone that knows me for any length of time knows this. I am suuuuuuuuch a goldfish. I really wish I weren’t but I am. “Where’s my phone?” “What was I saying?” “Where are we going?” “Who’s driving?” “Are we in Paris?” Okay, the last two are just inside jokes between me and a couple of friends, buuuuuuut still 😉 I just figure that if you think this is charming/funny and willing to put up with my absent-mindedness, then…oooh, look at that pretty tree!  😉

2. Overly forgiving–So I guess this can be good or bad, depending on what side of the “forgiving” you are on. My friends would all probably agree that I forgive way more than I should. On some level I guess I would have to agree but then there is the other side of it. I firmly believe that forgiveness has nothing to do with the receiver and everything to do with the giver. One of my favorite quotes is from Buddha and it says “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” But on the other side, I know my what my friends are talking about. Not only do I forgive, I have a tendency to allow the forgivee back into my life and I get hurt again. They are just looking out for me. That is something I’ve been working on. Forgiving you, but realizing that doesn’t mean I have to let you get close enough to hurt me again.

3. But I tend to not forget–Oh and then there is this. Sooooooo, with some things I have a tendency to hold grudges. For a long time. A really long time. Even though the Buddha quote is one of my favorites, it doesn’t mean that I don’t find myself grasping a hot coal a time or two, or five, or… yeah. I will say, though, these instances tend to be heartbreaking, gut wrenching instances. I may forgive you. I may let you back into my life, but don’t think for a second that I forgot what you did to me. Or that I won’t remind you of it when you bring up that “we aren’t as close as we used to be.” Really working on this one. 🙂

4. Little too laid back (often confused for indecisiveness)–Okay. So I put this in here because it bothers other people. Not me. And maybe this will be just the best way to explain this little piece of me. 🙂 When I say I don’t care where we eat, or go, or do, I don’t. Really. I’m not waiting to set you up, I just honestly don’t care. I can see how this can be frustrating to people, though, so I am trying to work on this. Buuuuuuuut, after spending the day making decisions, at work, with my kids, with my own life, I really just want someone to just say, “Hey, this is what’s going on.” If I don’t want to do what is suggested, I’ll tell you and tell you what I’d rather do and we can have a discussion. Up until then, I just don’t care. (BTW, just read this and can TOTALLY see why people want to kill me when it comes to this 🙂 Working on this. PROMISE!!)

5. Tend to be a little too introverted at times–As outgoing and loud as I am, I’m really an introvert. People know me, but there are only a few people who really know me. I guess that was the original purpose of this blog. To stretch myself a little. But I’ve kinda patterned this blog after my life. I tell just enough to keep people believing that I’m open, but I don’t really open up. As much as I believe that most people are inherently good, I believe it for you, not me. Working on this as well. Vulnerability is not something I’m good at.

~~Til the next time…

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Day 9: Not doing the list

Day 9Day 9: ———-

So today was supposed to be about 10 pet peeves, but I have to say that my heart is heavy given what happened yesterday in Boston. I sat at my desk working with Facebook open on one of my screens, watching as a running group I used to be a part of was calling off members as they crossed the finish line in Boston, liking the posts as they popped up. I said a little “YAY!” as I saw them start rolling in. And then I started to see the reports of an explosion, maybe two at the finish line. Confusion. My brain tried to understand, figure out what could have exploded, hoping that there were no people hurt. I will say in the rainbow and sunshine brain of mine, I imagined that the explosion was no where near people and it was some freak accident. And then I started to hear the reports of planted bombs and my heart broke. The news reports were constant. The numbers of dead and hurt rose quickly. Pictures popped up on the television and all over social media.

I think this hit me a little harder because this happened in my community, within my running family. Lace up your tennis shoes and go running anywhere and when you encounter another runner, you will be met with a raised hand, a nod of the head, a smile, some sort of “hey, I see you.” It’s just what you do. And you don’t have to be a runner to understand this camaraderie. It’s the same with boaters, bikers, Jeep owners, and more I am sure I am not even aware of. We may not know each other but we recognize we still have a relationship and it is one of the things that I love about being in the running community. We share the same heart.

So when I started to hear about the damage done by some evil person, my heart sank. As much as I wanted to understand what happened, I stayed away from the television and internet all together last night. Like I told my very crushed daughter this morning, there is no understanding evil. She too is part of this community. In less then 2 weeks, I will be running in the Music City Marathon and she will be volunteering at the finish line. She will be the one that will put my finisher’s medal around my neck. As we were looking towards that day, we were excited but that was still clouded by the pain we felt for those in Boston.

And so today, my mind and heart is with Boston. And when I run in two weeks, I run for not only my little Newton angel, I will also run for Boston. For an extended family whose beautiful, celebration filled day was stolen by evil.

~~Til the next time…


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